I could see very disturbing parallels.
The whole cohort was watching the Year 7s get back their IB results and at first we were just like "Hee hee hah hah oh HOW EXCITING," especially since we weren't the ones getting them back. But as a few of us saw the distribution of Grade 7s (that's the best score) across the board for the different subjects, we realized that people didn't fare very well in
all the subjects we took. And for the English paper, only 4 out of 90plus got their 7s.
And I saw how about 60% of the cohort got 40points and above (A perfect score being 45). The 41-pointers and above got their names called and they went up on stage. Slowly the stage started getting more crowded, and the number of students on the seats just started dwindling, till it looked like more than half the Year 7 cohort was up on stage. A horrific sense of deja-vu struck me. It seemed exactly like in 2007 when the cohort as a whole did fantastic for the Os and so many people were being called on stage for their 11A1s, 10A1s, 9A1s etc. 9/12 of my clique was up there and only 1/3 of my class was left at the seats. We few left behind looked at each other and went, "Oh, shit."
And as I watched more and more people go up stage, I could imagine the same kind of thing happening next year as we collect results. All my laziness and unproductivity will kick me in the butt, I'm sure (I haven't read Lu Xun, East West, God of Small Things, Medea, Miss Julie and Hedda Gabler. Keep in mind that those were last year's texts!)
Jo was in the same boat. When everyone went off someplace to celebrate, we backed out and stuffed ourselves at Ben and Jerry's instead. We didn't want to be with the happy people (HAHA). And we swore that we'd pull up our socks, let it be a lesson, and really mug our arses off for the As/IB. We promised each other that the next time we eat at Ben and Jerry's, it'd be to celebrate our fantastic comeback, and not a "I'm-going-to-stuff-my-face-and-put-on-2kg-as-a-statement-of-my-unhappiness" kind of thing.
And the thing is, we didn't do badly. By MG standards, we did fairly okay. By class standards, we did shittily. It was actually quite alright. (Even though someone commented last year, "Huh, why so lousy!" :P) The general sentiment we shared was that there were so many possibilities of what the outcome could've been. If only, if only. And we blamed ourselves for all the "If only"s, because ultimately, it boiled down to our laziness. Even as exams loomed we were still taking everything so lightly. We were disappointed in ourselves, in our heavy asses which just seemed to MELD so perfectly with the couch, in our lack of motivation (while others were so determined and single-purposed), and just sheer lack of effort.
That must change this year.
Then again, that's what I say every year.
This year, though, I'm going to run the race with the right kind of motivation- A Christ-centred one. And I know that despite all the uncertainty and anxiety and sheer heck-caredness, I KNOW that God's got my back. I'm going to let God walk me through this, and pray that I'll rely on Him instead of being the self-sufficient girl that I always try to be/end up being. And I'm going to make sure that if I really do get to get on that stage (HAHA BIG DREAMS MAN), I'll be standing there not for personal glory/edification, but as testament to how God can work in this lazy-bum-EE-wordcount-zero (yes I'm serious. And some people have finished). And if I don't get to stand on that stage, I won't feel disappointed (since it never occured to me that I can get above 40points, and I've never dared to dream that big). Moreso, I know that God is the master scriptwriter, and he's got a happy ending written out for me. :) And I'll be able to quote Philippians 2:13 with absolutely certainty. "For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose."
Congrats if you've managed to get this far! This was by no means meant to be an interesting post. In fact, I think it's crabsticks boring HAHAH. Just wanted to kind of get it off my chest! Just as well, I very seldom blog about serious stuff anyways. :)
